thinking out loud

I'm posting random thoughts because:
a/ it is a better use of my time than other forms of procrastination
b/ if I don't keep blogging, I will stop blogging

So, I imported a bunch of my blog entries to Facebook, thinking that some of my 199 "friends" would then actually know/remember that I had a blog. (Not that I can fault them, since I often forget about it myself.) But no sooner had I done so than Amyann Faul Groen posted this link:
http://www.albumoftheday.com/

It scared me.

Now, it could easily be just a conspiracy theory, but you know how in the movies, when there is a conspiracy, the normal people always think that the people who discover and expose the conspiracy are crazy until it is too late? Yeah, I don't want to be one of those.

Plus, I just don't want to take a chance of Facebook owning all the blog posts I've written. I don't know that someone else doesn't own them when I post them on Blogger, but it's a little late to worry about that.

So I deleted all the posts that I had uploaded. Alas, my blog will continue to languish in obscurity, read by only a dozen or so faithful. But hey, if it ever becomes really worth reading, people will find it.

I did not actually go so far as to quit Facebook, or remove any of my personal information though. Because even though conspiracy theories set my imagination in motion, it's not really my nature to get concerned about them. I don't know if I'm too trusting and optimistic, or just lazy. (I know, I know, it's both.)

And I kinda like Facebook.

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How I love my family. It was so nice to talk to Dad and Tammy and the boys on the phone today. My little brothers were in a hockey tournament this weekend. It's a consuming passion for them now. Johnny also does something called Tyke Development (how cute is that?) to hone his mad hockey skillz. All they ever want to talk to me about is their hockey cards, or the last Ottawa Senators or Petes game they saw. I do love that they are Sens fans.

Hockey was not their first love, though. And it has not entirely supplanted their other passion: food. In fact, the first thing Danny asked me when he got on the line today was what I had for breakfast. Then he told me what he had. (Both of our breakfasts included cinnamon toast.) He was excited that they had gone to Swiss Chalet for lunch today, but he complained that his ice cream sundae was not very good. Apparently it tasted of avocado. I'm not sure why.

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I went to People's Church with JJ this morning. It was so nice; it reminds me of the church I attended when I was a little girl. Neither of us had been there in a while though, and at first I wasn't sure we had chosen the best Sunday to return. There was a guy from the PAOC head office visiting, and he was speaking about "Building Financial Security". I've heard the figure that "Jesus spoke about money more than any other single subject except the Kingdom of God itself", etc., etc., but it still didn't sound like rousing spiritual fare.

I actually really enjoyed the sermon. It was more like a seminar, and it ended up being relatively long, but I felt that it was very sound advice. He was relaxed and had lots of moderately cheesy yet funny cartoons to illustrate his points. Yet he was also clearly putting the whole topic firmly in the realm of our calling to be good stewards. I won't go into all the financial advice, but a few things that stood out were:

1. If I put aside $1000 dollars a year in an RRSP starting now, I could theoretically have $900,000 by the time I retire. I feel like maybe I should try that.




2. He encouraged looking at miscellaneous spending and doing without whatever you can get rid of. "Most of us have wish lists, but how many of us have a 'do-without' list?" I was reminded of what I learned this summer about living simply. It is still an unmet goal, but I really want to learn what it means to give up my reliance on possessions and start clearing away the chaff of luxury from my life.




3. As we manage our time and our money so that we aren't always too busy or too broke to give of ourselves, we can be an ever-brighter light to others. The pastor told a great story about a taxi driver he met in Pearson Airport who was crying and praying in a parking lot with him by the end of the cab ride, all because the pastor was able to spend some time.

This evening was Church in the Box at Redeemer. And it was about community. Which kinda ties in with Facebook and my brothers and all those other human connections that we cherish on earth.

Christine Vaughan spoke. She is a amazing woman in her late twenties. I got to know her a little bit on the way to and from St. Louis for Urbana this Christmas (about 30 hours on the road in a very small car). She's a social worker, a Ph.D. student, and an occasional instructor at Redeemer. She talked about community, and how most of us lack it. We all want to be fully known, accepted, and loved for who we are, and to give those same things to others in return. Created in the image of a God who holds in himself the perfect fulfillment of community (the three that are one), we long to be connected to others. But fear of rejection keeps us from becoming truly vulnerable with each other. People are too busy for us, or we push them away.

Christine told a story of a woman she met at her job as an emergency room social worker. This woman was in her eighties. She was too ill to leave her apartment, and she said that no one came to visit her. She was terribly lonely, but she said she had found a way to experience community. She used the building's security camera footage, trained on the front foyer. The tenants could access it through their televisions to verify that they knew whoever was buzzing up to them before they let anyone in. "I turn that on and watch it all day. That way I see that there is some activity and life near me" she said. "The cleaning lady knows that I do, and she always waves to me when she goes in and out. It's nice to know that someone remembers I'm here."

As Christine said, that is not what God intended.

The early believers, we know, had everything in common, and so cared for their own needs, each other's needs, and the needs of widows, orphans, and outcasts. I can't even imagine what it would be like to live in that kind of community, but it sure would be fun to try.

Well, maybe not fun so much as worthwhile. I know I long for the kind of openness where you can share your joys, sorrows, and sins, knowing that your sister or brother will celebrate with you or cry your tears or forgive your screw-ups. It can start simply. Even to be a cheerful giver -- gladly sharing a car ride or a meal or an hour to listen -- means so much. I guess the first step for me is just to try to be that sister to other people and to (shudder) make myself vulnerable. I don't even know if I want to write that publicly, because it's so hard to actually do.

At least we can always look forward.

And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."

I really believe that heaven will be the perfect fulfillment of community, dwelling forever with God and in harmony and perfect openness with all other people. We have glimpses in family and marriage, but. . .

Maranatha.