Well, I'm officially 22, as of [Good] Friday at 5:39 P.M. EST. (By the way, the birthday celebrations -- all 4 of them! -- were fantastic. Such a fun and relaxing weekend.) 22's not much of a milestone birthday, but there really was something to 21. I feel that I came of age in the last year. It was meaningful from start (in England, with anticipation) --> middle (a dozen or so nation-states and a dozen dozen states of mind) --> finish (in Peterborough, with paradoxical peace). It hasn't been an easy year, but I have learned very much. One lesson: my failures can be to God's glory.
Furthermore, I realise that over the course of this year, I've come to view myself as a woman, instead of as a girl.
On the surface, I am pretty heavily burdened right now, what with papers, plays, and personal responsibilities of numerous other kinds. Inside, though, God is breaking one chain after another, with incredible speed. At this point, I have no idea where I will be in a year, or even at the end of the summer, but I am open to anything, even to uncertainty itself, in a way that I wasn't before.
Right now, I am mainly thinking short-term, as the list of assignments to complete slowly gets shorter, and the list of weddings to attend/be an attendant in quickly gets longer, but I know that there are big things to come.
So, ring it in -- it's time for my new year with a fresh serving of failing, succeeding, wailing, pleading, giggling, resting, wiggling, testing, disappointing, satisfying, anointing, trying, hoping, praying, coping, staying, going, believing, knowing, receiving, giving, and generally living.
Should be intense.
5 comments:
This was an exceptional post. I just thought you should know. I think you captured the essence of this lifephase.
happy belated birthday, lauren! and i agree, this is an excellent post- i love your writing. :)
Thank you both.
*feels encouraged*
I will never view you as a woman. You will always be a girl to me.
Lauren,
I'm so glad you commented, because it's also been a while since I've read your blog, and it was fun to come back. I enjoyed the laptop poem. You're a gifted writer.
And I miss you as well! So so much. One of the funny things about Urbana was how I felt more at home with you and Beth than I did with people from Eau Claire, which gave that whole experience a wierd dynamic for me. On Monday night, Caleb and I present at our InterVarsity Large Group for Bangladesh. And looking at the pictures and talking about it again... That was amazing. It was so amazing. In every way. And I've never had fellowship like that before. In missing you all, a tiny part of me wonders if I'll ever have fellowship like that again. It was just so good. I hear Phil is maybe planning a get together for us all, to go sailing and maybe swing dancing in Racine/Milwaukee. You need to come if it happens. It wouldn't be a reunion without you. Without you, it would just be a time to get together and wish you were there.
And V-Ball. V-ball is short for Viennese Ball. Every spring UW - Eau Claire put on a Viennese Ball and it's the largest of its kind outside of Vienna. They transform the student center into this beautiful place. Our school is known for it's music, and they have all the orchestras and bands and choirs perform, so you get to go dancing but to live music. You get to waltz and polka and swing to orchestral stuff. And there are tons of rooms you can go to and listen to other music, or buy food and do whatever. It's this huge huge event. And all if this information is stuff I've heard second hand, because I've never been. Part of the wistfulness in my blog was me reflecting on how I've never gone and this was probably my last chance. But God compensated by letting me dance with my ladies.
This was more like an email than a comment, but I really, sincerely miss you. God was so good to give us this summer... But I still really miss you. Ok. I need to be done now, or I'll be really sad, instead of average sad. Love you.
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